Furthest Thing
by MissesHermioneMalfoy
Summary: When Clary Fray's best friend comes back from his second tour in Afghanistan will things be the same?
1. Not all of me

He said he looked different in his letters to me and I wondered if this meant that he'd lost weight since I'd last seen him. I mentally chide myself for thinking that it could mean anything but this. It hardly matters though. I clear the steam that has gathered on the mirror in the bathroom. The hot shower felt good to ease my anxiety. I wonder how he must be feeling, probably just landing at the airport. I think of him being greeted by Stephen and Celine. They haven't been much in the way of parents to him when I think about it, no, it was Luke who had a man to man about joining the army with Jace. It was my mother who cried when he left. Stephen and Celine were good people! Don't get me wrong about that but I wished they could have been more there for Jace than being flighty and flying off to London every other week at a moment's notice.

Through it all they'd promised him they'd be there to welcome him and give him a hero's welcome. _He was a hero_. I think to myself. After everything he told me about in his letters, and I'm sure there was more he wasn't ready to tell me yet, he deserved it.

Which is why I'm surprised when my phone starts to ring a few minutes after his flight was supposed to land, I don't recognize the number but, hoping it's Jace I pick up.

"Hello?"

"Hey. They didn't show." Jace's voice is gruff on the other end and I can feel his heart sinking. How awful it must be to not even want to give your own son, a veteran of two tours of Iraq and Afghanistan, a proper welcome home.

"I'm so sorry. I'll be there with mom to pick you up in fifteen minutes ok?"

"Thanks, and Clary?"

"Yeah?"

"When you see me I don't want you to freak out."

I gave a short laugh, devoid of humor. I hoped I wasn't going to find him a complete mess. "Alright. I missed hearing your voice. I'll see you soon." I didn't want to hang up but I was going to have to drive because mom was 7 months pregnant with my little sister.

I threw my clothes on and plaited my hair messily. "Mom! Jace is home and his parents didn't pick him up!"

"What?!" My very pregnant mother says from downstairs. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. I have to go get him. Do you want to come with me?"

"Let me call Luke and we can throw together a kind of impromptu surprise party! I think your brother is just across town at the bar."

"Ok, well shoot me a text and let me know if I need to stall." I pick up the keys from the bowl by the front door and pull on a pea coat, it's nearly the middle of December and it's _freezing_.

"Bye mom!" I shout as my mother begins texting her husband, Luke to come home and Jon to come home from the bar so they can surprise him.

The drive to the airport, JFK Airport actually, is kind of miserable. There's traffic and I wouldn't mind but I feel so bad Jace is there alone. Probably waiting outside in the snow for me or something. I don't know who to blame, Stephen or Celine. Celine was a homebody but did as her her husband asked her to. Stephen was the jetset one. I suppose I blame him and as I pull into the airport I curse his name.

I park somewhere unobtrusive and somewhere they won't hit me with _a ton_ of fines. This means I have to leave the car to find Jace however. My maroon Toyota Prius is fairly inconspicuous and besides, it was my twenty-first birthday present from this summer so Jace hasn't seen it yet. As I look around the people waiting for rides outside the terminal (where he said he'd be) I'm worried I won't recognize him. I don't see anyone that looks like him… and just as I'm about to call him back I spot him waving to me… from a wheelchair.

"Jace!" My best friend, for nearly our whole lives is looking at me like he doesn't want to be pitied and I for one can't wipe the shock off my face.

"Jace!" I run to him, and bent down, scooping his thin frame into my arms. "It's so good to have you back." He hugs me back, holding me tight for a few long moments.

As I pull back I can see clearly that he's missing a leg. I tell myself it doesn't matter, that he's still _my_ Jace and that nothing will tear him from me. " **You didn't get all of me back**." Jace says remorsefully and I know I'm going to cry.


	2. 20 Questions

I make it to the car after managing to hold it together for a pretty cry. With a bit of help, I get him in the car. He's so much thinner than I remember him and I'm sure there's an explanation behind it. Jace is ( was? ) a sniper in the special forces. If it hadn't been for _this_ he would have been a career military man.

The drive home seems to take about three years. "Is there anything you need? Are you staying next door at Celine and Stephens? Do you know where they are?" I feel bad for playing twenty questions with him but I know next to nothing and I need to be filled in somehow.

"They texted me a few minutes before you showed up and apologized but they're in Singapore right now. I know your mom's pregnant but I can't really be alone right now. I hate imposing on you like this…"

I swatted his arm. "Mom will be ecstatic that you're home," I remember that mom was going to throw him a surprise party and shoot her a text saying that it won't be necessary. I don't tell her why because she's going to be shocked enough when she sees him but, I sigh. I'm overwhelmed with sadness.

"Hey, are you ok?" Jace asks, in the way only he can. Absolutely sincere, and in a tone that tells me any answer is ok.

"No, not really. When did it happen?"

"September."

I nodded, I'd wondered what had happened then. "Will you be getting… you know a bionic leg?"

He rolls his eyes at me. "You _would_ say that, wouldn't you? Yeah, I am. I've got to wait until it finishes healing, though. It got infected at the hospital in Germany so it's going to be a little while longer. Could we stop at the pharmacy? I have to pick up crutches."

"Yeah sure," I say, changing lanes and heading toward the pharmacy.

"Have you told Alec? You know he's not going to take it well." I say, thinking of his other best friend's reaction. For Alec being his other best friend, I didn't get along with him all that well. He always came off pretty frosty to me. Still, even if I don't like him it doesn't mean I'm not concerned for Jace's sake.

Jace groans, "No I haven't. How exactly am I supposed to do it? Just call him up or something?"

"You could invite him over to our house and talk to him. You're going to be staying with us right? I don't want you alone just yet. I think mom is probably already making up the guest bedroom."

"Clare-bear! I should stay at my house but I understand. You don't have to twist my arm too hard." He said giving me a small smile. It was the first time I'd seen him smiling since I picked him up.

"Ok good. Mom's dying to see you and I think Jon is secretly pining to see you as well." I say smiling back at him. They are thick as thieves and even though Jon's never done a hard day's work in his life somehow he and Jace get along well.

"Jon is such a fuckboi. How do you tolerate him? Not saying I don't love'em! It's just that if I have to hear Drake at concert volume one more time I'm gonna remove his nuts."

I make a face at him. "Can we leave my brother's nuts out of this?"

"Turn here." He says, pointing at the upcoming intersection. Right on the corner, there's a huge CVS*.

I turn in and ask, "Do you want me to run in for you?" I know he's going to refuse. He hates people waiting on him but I'll get him to let me help him if I can.

"Nah, I've got to get meds too, they're controlled substances so I have to give them my ID. Could you…"

"Help you? Of course." Here we are working like a well-oiled machine. I swear I know what he needs before he can even ask for it.

I pull into a parking spot and park the car. His wheelchair is in my tiny trunk. It barely fit but I can get it out on my own. "How can I help you get from the car to the wheelchair?"

"I've got it, just get the thing outta the trunk and I'll pop right into it." He didn't look like he'd be popping _anywhere_ but I nod and pull the thing out of the trunk and wheel it over to him. He slides into it with relative ease and I'm impressed.

"Do you want me to push you or you wanna push yourself?" I don't want to damage his delicate masculine ego by doing everything for him. He's taking me helping him surprisingly well, but maybe it's that he knows he doesn't have any choice in the matter.

" _I know you can't push me_." He says with a tone that implies there's more to the situation than just pushing my best friend into the pharmacy. That's something I hadn't thought of. He might be thin but Jace has always been more muscle and bone than anything else and he must know my 95-pound self can't push him. This makes me think that I haven't told him that I've relapsed on my eating disorder since he was gone. It's not bad yet, and I've been hiding it but if there's anyone I can tell it's him.

He wheels himself through the snow and squeaks into the pharmacy. He gets his crutches and the biggest bottle of meds I've ever seen. When he's rolling himself back out to the car I ask him, "You want to run to McDonald's? I know you haven't eaten yet or if you had it was plane food which is gross."

"Yeah, that sounds good. I'm actually starving." He knows I don't eat McDonald's often and when I do I usually engage in eating disordered behaviors. I think he suspects something's wrong. I've definitely lost weight since the last time I saw him. He looks at me like he's about to ask whether I'm alright or something equally as unnecessary. It's one of those times where he's not actually talking about the meaning of the conversation. It irritates me that he can't just come out and say that he's wondering if I'm alright. It's almost like he asked to go to McDonald's on purpose, like a test.

"It's not a big deal! I've just been feeling a little down since you've been gone and you know it's the only way I feel... " Happy? Good? No, that wasn't true because I felt so guilty when I did it but it did give me some kind of control. I sigh. "I'm sorry." This all comes out of my mouth in quick succession. Anyone but Jace would have no idea what I was on about but he knows, and he knows it's a big deal even I say it's not.

"I'm glad you told me. You know your secret is safe with me but you should at least tell Luke or your brother." He slides back into his seat and winces and holds his knee where the stub is. "You know how fast it gets out of control."

"Yeah, I know," I say, folding up the wheelchair and stuffing it in my trunk. I climb into the driver's side and turn the heat on full blast.

We roll down the road on our way to McDonalds and silence frosts over the car. I don't know what to ask, what to say to him. As we pull into McDonald's he digs into his pocket for his wallet and I pat his head. "If you think you're paying you're out of mind."

"I haven't paid for anything in ages!" He protests.

"That's because you've been fighting a war, Jace," I say flatly. "Do you want your usual?"

He sighs. "Yes."

I roll down the window and ask for two orders of Chicken McNuggets with buffalo sauce and two root beers. I'm going to have to do like a hundred sit ups to burn this off. I pay for our food and take from the poor soul working the second window. She gives me a nasty look when I take the bag from her.

I park in the parking lot. Jace seems to be half way through his fries already. "You don't have to inhale it you know. It's not moving."

"Sorry." he says through a mouth full of french fry.

Even before I open the bag I'm thinking of how I'm going to resist eating all ten chicken nuggets. I tell myself if I eat three he'll be pissed I'm not eating and if I eat five I'm going to blow up like a whale so four seems reasonable.

He's quiet and it's kind of bothering me. "Do you need to stop anywhere else before we stop home?"

"Nah, how far along is Jocelyn?" He wonders in between bites.

"Seven months. She's huge."

"Damn ok. It's a girl right?"

"Yep. A bouncing baby girl. Luke is ecstatic and Jon is constantly bitching a moaning about how he doesn't need another woman in his life."

"That's definitely all his fault. It's not your mom's fault that Jonathan is the biggest fuckboi in Brooklyn."

"I caught him out with a chick a couple nights ago. I was out with Izzy and we got drinks. It so awkward."

"How _is_ Izzy?"

"She's good, she's banging Simon regularly." There's a mix of irritation and delight in my voice. I'm happy she's found a steady boyfriend but the fact that it's Simon always irritates me.

Jace discards his garbage in the bag and gives me a stern look. I've eaten a grand total of two chicken nuggets and five fries. "I will fucking hand feed you if I have to." He snaps at me. I can tell he's in a no bullshit mood so I stuff half a chicken nugget in my mouth and chew. It doesn't taste very good. I make it half way through chicken nugget number four before I feel sick.

"I really don't want to eat anymore," I grumble.

"Give me the chicken nuggets." He says

I hand them over to him, thinking he's going to eat them for me. He kisses my cheek and pats my head and then starts making airplane noises and says, "Open for Jace little girl."

I pout mercilessly. _He wasn't kidding_.

I manage to make it through chicken nugget number seven and Jace seems to be satisfied. I've eaten about a quarter of the fries. I feel disgusting but Jace is smiling which, is all that really matters right now.


	3. Cuddle tax

A/N: I'm so sorry about the delay between chapters! I know this was a rather long beak but I promise more regular updates!

* * *

We arrive home and I wrestle his wheelchair out of my backseat. Jon's Honda Civic is here and Luke's car is in the drive as well. Jace gets into the chair and he starts wheeling himself into the house. "Did you tell your parents about my leg?"

"No, I didn't think you'd want me to."

"Good thinkin.'"

I push open the door and hold it for Jace. Jon is the first to greet us. He and Jace do their secret handshake and I shake my head. Jon leans down and hugs Jace. "I'm glad you're home."

My mother bustles into the room and smiles kindly at the three of us. "Jace, sweetie." She doesn't flinch at his leg but I know she's upset.

"I would give you a hug but alas I'm the size of a beached whale," My mother says, grinning at Jace.

"You look great Jocelyn don't kid yourself," Jace says charitably to my mother.

"Thanks, baby. Did you guys eat?"

"Yeah, we had food," Jace confirms.

Luke steps into the room and makes for Jace, shaking his hand and clapping him on the back. "We're glad to have you home."

Jace seems happy but he's also looking pretty tired. "Jace do you want to lay down for a bit?" I ask him.

He looks guilty, as if I've seen through the mask he's put on. "Uh, yeah Clary that would be great. I didn't get time to tell you but there were turbulence on the plane."

"I figured." I say, smiling at him. God, I still feel disgusting from eating all that McDonald's. "There's the question of the stairs. The guest bedroom is on the second floor."

"I can probably limp up there if Jon gives me a hand."

"No problem buddy," Jon says. He looks like he's been drinking, though, he doesn't look drunk.

"Could you get the crutches from the car Clary?" Jace asks me.

"Yeah of course. Should I grab that bottle of meds too?"

"Yes please," Jace says kindly.

I put my shoes back on and wander back out to the car, letting my family welcome Jace to our home. I'm so glad he's back. I find the bottle of pills in the front seat of the car and read the label, it says they're oxycodone. Damn, I'm pretty sure that's a really strong pain killer. I go and wrestle the crutches out of my tiny backseat.

"Jace?" I say as I walk back in the house. Jon has made him a cup of coffee and mom and Luke are chatting animatedly with him.

"Yeah?"

"Ready to try the stairs?" I ask him gently.

"Yeah, let's give it a go." He says. Jace wheels over to the base of the stairs and Jon hefts him up onto one leg. He wobbles a bit but Jon has got him solid. I hand the crutches over and after a bit of wobbling and a couple of almost tumbles Jace is hobbling up the stairs with Jon behind him just in case.

When they get to the top of the stairs, Jace is a little green with pain, or at least I think it's pain. I come up behind them and mom shouts up to me, "The sheets on the guest bed just need to be put on. Could you do that Clary?"

"Sure mom," I shout down to her.

Jon pats my shoulder on his way back down, giving me a knowing look. I think he feels bad for me or bad for Jace I don't know which. I make a mental note to pull Jon aside before he goes back out and tell him I've relapsed on my eating disorder.

I start making my bed while Jace pops one of the pain pills. "Are you alright?" I ask him. We're alone now and I want to hug him and hold him to me.

"I'm not used to the crutches yet. My balance isn't great." He says as he wobbles around the room.

I've almost got the bottom sheet tucked in and I look at the time on the bedside clock. It's 8:28 pm.

"Are you going to call it an early night?"

"Not _this_ early. I might go to bed in a few hours. I think I have a book in my suitcase."

"Could we cuddle?" I ask him.

"Oh, I suppose. You'll just have to be careful of my stump." He says with a grin. "You always want to cuddle it's cute."

"It's my adorable nature, Herondale."

"Mhmm." He says looking at some magazines my brother had left in the room.

A couple minutes later the bed is all set up with the white duvet and four fluffy pillows. I crash down on the bed splaying out like a rag doll. "C'mon Herondale. I want to collect on my cuddle tax."

"So that's how I'm paying for my room and board here, huh? How many times a day do I need to cuddle you so I can stay?" He says playfully.

"Oh, three or four," I say with a smirk.

"That seems reasonable." He says smirking back at me.

He wobbles and flops painfully onto the bed. "Ow, damn it."

"You alright?" I say from across the bed.

"Fine," he says, sighing heavily. He pulls both his legs onto bed and sneaks his arms around my shoulders. "I'm sorry I couldn't come home in one piece." Whoa, I think to myself, way to go from funny from serious in a few seconds flat. I look over and meet his gaze. He seems to be in quite a bit of pain and I don't know what I can do to help him.

"Do you want some ice or something?" I ask, trying to be helpful.

"I just apologized for not coming home in one piece and you're asking me if I want some ice?" He scoffs.

"Sorry, you just look like you're in pain."

"I know but I want you to know that I didn't mean to lose my leg."

"Of course you didn't! You're still Jace without it. You're still my best friend!"

"About that -" Jace started but Jon knocked on the door.

"He guys I'm heading back out to the bar figured I'd say goodnight to you both. I won't be back tonight I don't think."

"Gettin' lucky tonight buddy?" Jace asks lewdly.

"Always, bro." They did their handshake again and I rolled my eyes.

"Jon, can I talk to you before you go?" I ask him. "Close the door."

He looks at me quizzically but shuts the door and folds his arms over his chest none the less. "What is it?" He asks me.

"Well… I may have relapsed… on my eating disorder?" I say trying not to put too fine a point on it.

"Clary… how long has this been going on?" Jon asks softly.

"About three months?" I realize belatedly that Jace is holding my hand, giving me strength and I'm thankful.

"Why didn't you tell someone sooner? Let me guess, Jace brought it up on the way home and you spilled?" I flush, because of course, that's exactly what happened.

"I just thought I could handle it," I say, disappointment in myself ringing in my own ears.

"Well, you can't baby girl. How much do you weigh?" Jon asks nervously, I know he's dreading the answer.

"I'm not telling!" I snap at him. "You'll just judge me for it and think I'm fat!"

Jace and Jon share incredulous looks. "Honey no one in this room is going to judge you for shit," Jace says and I'm not sure I can believe him.

"Ninety-one pounds," I say slowly, hoping I don't freak anyone out or sound like a fat ass.

Jon sighs and Jace squeezes my hand. "Tomorrow I'm coming over and we're getting you some real food. Let me guess you've been living on lettuce and lite Italian dressing?"

I nod guiltily.

"I hate to ask Jace to do anything right now but could you make sure she isn't up all night doing situps and pushups?"

"Clary will stay with me tonight," Jace says resolutely, his tone is grim as fuck and I feel like a scolded child.

"Alright kids, have a good night and Clary?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for telling me," Jon says as he opens the door and waves goodbye to us.

I sigh, _fuck_. Maybe I shouldn't have told anyone? Still, it's probably good I've told _someone_ just because I don't want it to get as out of control as it had been last summer. I got down to 85 pounds and my hair fell out. It was awful. Jace groans next to me and I'm pulled out of my thoughts.

He's massaging his stump and looking like he's just had a tooth pulled. "Are you sure you're ok?" I ask him.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He groans.

I pout at him, he doesn't look fine and it's grating on my nerves. "Do you think I'm a fat ass?" I say, looking for validation.

"No! Christ, Clary," He's massaging his stump and I have no idea if I should offer to help? The thought grosses me out tremendously but what am I supposed to do? "You're- beautiful. You could actually stand to gain a couple pounds. I like it when -" But he cuts himself off sharply. "Nevermind. You look great and I want you to be healthy above everything else."

I hadn't been expecting such a heartfelt answer. He takes me by surprise, as always. "Uhm, thanks." I shyly. He steals one of my pillows and props himself up in bed a bit higher.

"Can I collect on my cuddles now? I'm going to end up reading so just for a few minutes."

"Ok," I say.

* * *

An hour later has me downstairs looking for some tea. Jace had been so exhausted he'd fallen asleep with me in his arms. It had been kind of cute. Somedays I wonder if him and I are really best friends. Not that he's not my friend, but more because I know I love him and it isn't a strictly platonic love. I don't care if he's missing a leg and down on his luck, he's gorgeous and smart and kind and funny. Izzy has been talking about making a move on Jace for _ages_ now and I just think that I'd never forgive myself if he chose her over me.

My mother is sitting at the table, reading a pregnancy magazine. God, even though she's gained a lot of weight and she's carrying an actual human inside of her there's a kind of grace in the way she moves that makes me a hair jealous. I have all the grace of a newly born fawn, my balance is horrendous and I'm constantly bumping into things.

"Hey, mom?" I ask.

She looks up from her magazine and gives me a glowing smile. "Yes, Clarissa?"

"Is there any oolong tea left?"

"No, your brother finished it this morning."

I pout. "Did Jon go back to the bar?"

"Yep." My mother puts down her magazine and pats the chair next to her. "I want to talk to you."

"Ok…" I say with trepidation. Did Jon tell her about the relapse of my eating disorder? I sit down next to her and wait on tenterhooks for her to say _something_.

She takes a deep breath and tucks her thick red hair behind her ears. "I think you're not being honest with yourself about Jace. I know the loss of his leg is something that's going to affect your relationship with him. Clarissa, do you have feelings for him?"

I flush. This isn't the speech I was expecting. "Of course I do, mom. But he's my best friend it would be so weird to tell him that."

She looked at me pensively. "I think he feels the same way about you. I actually think he's always thought that way about you. You're both holding back. And right now he needs someone to help him. He needs someone who believes in him. I'm not pushing you to anything but if you _do_ have feelings for him now would be a good time to tell him."

I thought about that for a minute. Tonight, he'd said I was beautiful and it sounded like he was going to say more than that but he'd cut himself off… "Izzy wants to date Jace. I don't want to steal him out from underneath Izzy."

"Talk to Izzy. I don't think she's going to want to care for him the way you want to care for him. Maybe get his permission to talk to Izzy about it. Of course you shouldn't tell her if he's not comfortable but I think Izzy is looking for more, no strings attached kind of things. Jace has got a lot of… strings?"

"Mhmm." I nod my head. My phone buzzes and I check it.

[ incoming text; Brother Dear ] Come get me. I'm drunk.

"Can we talk more about this later? Jonathan is drunk at the bar again."

My mother rolls her eyes. "Your brother needs to lay off the liquor and women. The next time he brings back some tramp to this house I'm going to be pissed."

I laugh. "You mean the next time you _catch him_ sneaking a girl in."

Jocelyn rolls her eyes at me. "Ok, go get your brother before he attempts to drive himself home."

I sigh and dash out of the room, put my shoes on and grab my keys and my bag. I get in the Prius and drive down the road a mile. It's really close enough to walk but Jonathan is probably too wasted. I pull up to the bar, it's only just ten at night and he's outside smoking talking to a cute blonde girl.

"Aye!" I call out from the passenger side window. "Jonathan get in!" He doesn't look that drunk. He walks to the car and says goodbye to the blonde. "Hey, sis." He half slurs in my ear. He smells like whiskey and cheap perfume.

"God, Jon, why do you always have to pick up the literal skankiest girls?"

"That's not something I'm about to discuss with my little sister."

"How many drinks did you have?" I ask as I pull away from the bar's parking lot.

"Four whiskeys."

"Damn Jon."

"So what about you and Jace?" He says wiggling his eyebrows at me.

"Jon!" I say, slapping his knee. "Stop it! He's my friend!"

"Pshht." Jon scoffs. "You two are practically married. I might as well start calling him my brother in law."

"Ugh, god I hate it when you're drunk," I growl at him. "I hope you get a horrible hangover."

"I don't get hangovers." He says as I pull my Prius into our drive and put it in park.

"You're a very talkative drunk Jon."

"I do try." He says smirking at me.

"Be quiet, Jace is sleeping."

He replies in a whisper, "Ok, sis."

* * *

I go back upstairs to check on Jace and find him wide awake and… sniffling?

"Hey what's wrong?" I say worriedly.

"I had a nightmare." He says continuing to sniffle. "Where did you go?"

"I went to get Jon from the bar," I say moving into the room and sitting down on the bed. "Are you ok?"

"Not really." And I know in that moment he's incredibly vulnerable and I want to show respect to how open he's being with me.

"What can I do? You didn't take one of your pills yet. I bet your stump hurts." I take the bottle off the nightstand, read the instructions and open it, taking one of the pills out of the container. It breaks my heart to see him like this. "Here hold onto that and I'll get you some water." I run next door to the bathroom and fill up a paper cup with cold water. I come back and hand it to him. "Can I do anything? Do you want to talk?"

He swallows the pill in one go. He leans back against the pillows and I can see tears streaming down his cheeks. "Could you just lay here with me?"

"Of course."


	4. Slow start

A/N: This is a short chapter but I didn't want to drag this out with fillers or anything. More clace ahead!

* * *

I am woken from a sound sleep at 5:14 in the morning. There were terrible, heart wrenching screams coming from the guest bedroom. I had left Jace's room when he fell asleep again. I didn't think my mother would be too happy if she saw us tangled together in the morning given her speech about Jonathan bringing girls home. But at this rate the whole house was going to be woken up. I bolt from bed and stuff my legs into sweatpants and untangle my bra from sleeping in it. Jace's door is only two down from mine but I can see it's too late, Jon is awake and he's pulling on a shirt in a hurry.

"Jace!" I say as I try to shake him awake. "Jace sweetie wake up!" He's thrashing wildly and tears are streaming down his face. I can hardly blame him. If it's making him this upset it must be awful. Eventually his eyes flutter open and I can see he's looking around the room in a kind of stunned disbelief. Jon, my mother, and Luke are all congregated outside the door peering through the frame worriedly.

"Fuck." He grumbles. Maybe it's not the best thing he could have said but it's probably an appropriate reaction.

"Are you ok?" I say, my voice shaking slightly. I'm worried about him and I know there's nothing in my power that will make this better right now.

"No." He says shortly. "What are you all doing awake? Did I scream?"

Jon stepped forward. Sometimes I forgot how close they were. The only other person from back home, besides his parents, that Jace had been in contact with while he was deployed was Jon. "We're worried about you buddy. You screamed the house down."

"Damnit." I look him in the eye, really look at him, and I can tell from the glassy sheen of his eyes that he's fighting off tears. "You should all go back to sleep."

I'm kneeling next to the bed and I know he's lying and it's a rubbish lie. "Ok, Jace but do try to get a couple more hours sleep."

He looks nervous, he knows we all know what happened, that he's got PTSD and that he's having night terrors. My parents shuffle out of the room and Jon goes too, although slightly more reluctantly. My feet feel anchored to the ground. I can't leave him alone to suffer. "Please let me stay?" I ask him.

"No. I'm fine," Jace says adamantly.

I close the door to the tiny guest bedroom and perch myself on the edge of the bed. "Jace you can't hide from me. I know maybe you wish you could -"

"Stop it. Stop right there." Jace says with grim determination pasted on his features. "I'm fine. My leg is healing I'm _getting better_."

"Who are you trying to convince, Jace? Me or you?" I say sadly. "You know it wouldn't be so bad if you went to a therapist -"

"Stop it, dammit!" He says in a harsh whisper. "I am fine! I'm just a little shook up is all."

"Jace, if whatever happened," and I have no idea what happened, he's never told me about the accident all I know is that my best friend is missing a leg and is screaming the house down at five in the morning, "traumatized you or made it so a bit of therapy would help, what's the harm? You could come with me to one of my sessions. See what it's like?"

"I'm not a head case!"

I look at him harshly. So he has a head case for a best friend? I make to stand up and I'm halfway to the door before he says anything.

"I'm sorry." He says sullenly. I can feel tears brimming in my eyes. So he thinks I'm crazy? Because I have _mild_ depression and anxiety plus an eating disorder?

I turn to face him, "That was below the belt, Jace." I snap.

"Please don't cry." He says, looking at me, square in the eyes. "I'm really sorry."

I sniffle lightly. I don't care how upset he is or how deeply he's in denial he doesn't need to be mean to me. He pulls me in close to him. His arms are as strong as I remember.

"Please forgive me?" He says, bringing my head down to kiss my fiery red hair.

I look at him after he's done kissing my hair and smile. He's a good guy. I would be lucky to have him as a boyfriend but now is _not_ the time to talk about that.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" I ask.

"Always."

* * *

The next couple days come in a fit of me, getting ready for the spring session of my art classes to start again. Many, many trips to the fine art supply store with Jon and Jace later I've got everything together. Spring classes start on January 21st and today is the 20th.

"Hey, I have an appointment tomorrow," Jace says to me on the way home from the art supply store.

"What time is it?" I ask him.

"2:30 I think." He gets out his phone and double checks, "Yep 2:30 in Manhattan."

"Is this the appointment for when they determine whether or not you're ready for your bionic leg?"

"Bionic leg?" Jon says from the backseat. "You're getting a fake leg, Jace?"

"Yep. The swelling had to go down though and I've got to get connected with the VA hospital clinic so they probably won't clear me tomorrow."

I place my hand on Jace's good leg and drum my fingers on his knee absent mindedly. "I can take you, my classes end at noon I think tomorrow."

"Good, thanks," Jace says smiling like a puppy dog at me.

"God you two!" Jon says from the backseat. "You know Jace, my sister is a good woman you better get on it."

"Oh shut up Jon!" Jace says laughing.

"What? I'm serious you're both so in love with each other you can't see anything else. I'm serious Jace, you're going to be my brother in law before long."

Jace and I both scoffed at the same Jon was completely right. I was very taken with Jace but there never seemed to be a good moment to say something. Should I say something? Wasn't that the guys job, declaring his feelings and what not? I sighed.

We got home not long after the discussion about Jace and I and Jon helped me with getting Jace out of the car. Jace was pretty much good to go in and out of the car by himself, which was good because I wouldn't be much help. It was lightly snowing when we stepped in the house. The kind of light snow that was pretty and didn't make the roads dangerous. I loved the snow and it was nice to not be alone.

"Do you guys want lunch?" I ask the boys.

"I'm always hungry." Jon says to me, indeed, he was constantly eating something and he never seemed to gain an ounce of fat. Lucky bastard.

"I'm going to make a salad," I say, more to myself. But Jace shoots me a sharp glare.

"What have you eaten today?" He says, perking up.

"Uhmmm… a couple of blueberries and tea for breakfast?"

"Christ!" He swears. "Do you have any meat in this house?"

I roll my eyes at him. He's not wrong though, both Jace and I need to gain weight. "I think there's some chicken in the fridge. I could fry it up?"

"That sounds good."

I open the fridge and take out the chicken. I heat up some oil in the frying pan, get the chicken breaded and stick it in. Damn! Cooking is dangerous, a bit of grease splashes my arm. "Ow ow ow ow." I run it under the faucet.

"What happened?" Jace asks.

"The disgusting grease splashed on me." I say, pouting at him.

He wheels over to me and says, "Let me see."

I reveal my slightly burned arm to him and indeed, there are a few splotches of red where the grease touched. I'm holding my arm out to him, and before I can even think he pressed his lips to the burn, making me blush. His lips are soft and the thumb that holds my arm prone to him is calloused.

He's looking at me from under his beautiful, long, golden lashes and I wonder how many girls he's gotten to fall under his spell by using this maneuver. I pull my arm back slowly. "Jace -" My heart stutters. He's had a good few days, he hasn't been waking up with nightmares, but that's probably because we've been sharing that tiny guest bedroom, my mother be damned.

"Your chicken is going to burn." He says thoughtfully.

"Aghh!" I take the chicken out of the pan, and the spell is broken. When all the chicken is safely out of the pan and I've put a new batch in I look at him out of the corner of my eyes, pretending to be shuffling the chicken around in the pan. He's humming and smiling. I haven't seen him this happy in a very long time.

"Jace?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we should talk about… you know… us?" I ask him.

"Yeah I do."

I turn off the chicken, take out the pieces and bring it to the table. "The chicken is very hot so I'd let it cool for a bit."

We're sitting across the table from each other and I put my hand on the table. He laces his fingers with mine and I smirk at him.

"What about us did you want to talk about?" He asks me.

"Oh, well," I sigh I thought he was going to steer this conversation but here goes, "Well I mean, we've been sharing a bed for nearly a week. And don't tell me we're doing it as friends because I know you don't share a bed with any of your conquests."

He blushed slightly. "Yeah, that's true. I was going to talk to you about this the night I came home but things just got in the way. Do you feel something other than friendship for me?"

"Of course I do. You're like my soulmate."

"I have to say, I feel the same way. It's so strange to say something out loud about it though. I just know we understand each other in a way no one else can understand me." Jace said, he gripped my hand lightly and smiled at me.

"Aren't you afraid that if it doesn't work out we could never go back to being best friends, though?"

"Not really, I can't imagine my life without you and I know you couldn't imagine life without me."

I nodded, he was right. "We should start off slow don't you think?"

"Of course."


End file.
